The Twelve Guilty Days of Christmas
by Athena Asamiya
Summary: You all knew this was coming. XD


  
  
**TITLE:** The Twelve Guilty Days of Christmas  
**AUTHOR:** Athena Asamiya (empresskatzy@hotmail.com)  
**SERIES:** Guilty Gear X  
**TYPE:** Part 1/1, humourous Christmas-parody fic.  
**RATING:** PG-13  
**WARNING:** Hmm, well, there's a bit of language...and yes, some yaoi implications too...and crazy cartoon violence!! >D Also full of quite a few in-jokes that only hardcore GG fans - or sometimes just my friends and I - will understand.  
**SETTING:** God only knows. ^^;; Parody = outside story.  
**THEME:** "The Twelve Days of Christmas" by again, God only knows. ^^;;  
**COMMENTS:** You know, if I'd had the foresight to plan this ahead of time, I would have had it done for twelve days ago...but no, this is an idea that sprang out of my mind at around 4:30 Christmas morning (being partially inspired by Gaki's Yami no Matsuei Twelve Days of Christmas) and was written in about half an hour around noon. As those of you who've read Kiss in the Dark will know, I hate writing parody fics, but the holidays always just seem to call for one...^^;;; Enjoy, and please leave reviews! 

  
  


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*the various members of the Guilty Gear cast are lounging around in the Arc System Works recording studio, murmuring annoyed words to each other and staring in disbelief at the identical sheets of music they are all holding. Athena Asamiya, dressed in her current uber-cute King of Fighters costume, sweeps into the room with a huge grin.* 

**Athena:** Yo~sh, mina-sa~n! ^_^v Ishiwatari-san is waiting, so are we ready to take it from the top? And NO funny stuff this time, because we've screwed up almost every other practice, and we need to be serious here- 

**Sol:** *inhaling from a cigarette* Fuck you.  
**Ky:** *protesting* This is against my moral code...!  
**Axl:** *playing air guitar* WELCOME TO THE JUN-GLE!!  
**May:** *hearting* Johnny!! Johnny!! I love you, Johnny!!  
**Johnny:** *eyeing Jam in approval* How YOU doin', baby...  


**Athena:** ...... -_-;; Mattaku, even Sie and Bao-chan would get along better than this group...soretomo! IKU YO! ^^ 

*muted grumbles from the cast as the familiar cheerful music of the age-old carol "The Twelve Days of Christmas" starts up* 

**SOL:** *muttering and growling a few choice expletives under his breath* On the first day of Christmas, my true love - *leers at Ky* - gave to me....a pear tree burning to the ground. XD *starts flicking his Zippo on and off, on and off* 

**KY:** *in a clear tenor voice* On the second day of Christmas, my true love - *glares at Sol* - gave to me...two elemental swords-  
**Sol:** And a pear tree burning to the ground. *mouthes "You know you want it, boy" to Ky* 

**MILLIA:** On the third day of Christmas, my true lovewhoisabsolutelynotthatshadowfreak gave to me...three hair barrettes-  
**Ky:** *scowls at Sol, mouthing "barbarous ruffian" back at him* Two elemental swords-  
**Sol:** And a pear tree burning to the ground. *watching the flame on his lighter with a rather dangerous grin* 

**FAUST:** *has to stop giggling insanely long enough to sing* oN THe FouRTh dAY Of chrIStMAs, mY TRUe lOve GAve To MEEEEEEEEE...FOUR PAPER BAGS!! EHHEEE!!!  
**Millia:** *facepalms* Three hair barrettes-  
**Ky:** *warily eyeing Sol's lighter* Two elemental swords-  
**Sol:** And a pear tree burning to the ground. *starts tossing a small fireball from one hand to the other, and everyone moves away from him* 

**JAM:** *clasping her hands to her chest* On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love - *makes hopeful eyes at Ky* - gave to me...fiiiiiiiive pieces of dim sum!  
**Faust:** fOUr PApEr bAgS-  
**Millia:** Three hair barrettes-  
**Ky:** *sweatdrops, tries to avoid Jam's hearts* Two elemental swords-  
**Sol:** *gives Jam a dirty look and flips her the finger* And a pear tree burning to the ground. 

**MAY:** *beaming* On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love - Johnny, of course! ^^ - gave to me...six photos of Johnny-  
**Jam:** Fiiiiiiiive pieces of dim sum! *pulls down her eyelid and sticks her tongue out at Sol*  
**Faust:** *polishing his scalpel* FOuR paPER BAgs-  
**Millia:** *watching a roaming shadow out of the corner of her eye* Three hair barrettes-  
**Ky:** Two elemental swords-  
**Sol:** *growling* And a stupid little airheaded whore burning to the....er, a pear tree burning to the ground. 

**AXL:** Yahoo! On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...seven Union Jacks- (God save the Queen, baby!)  
**May:** Six photos of Johnny- *daydreamy look*  
**Jam:** *makes a face at Sol* Fiiiiiiiive pieces of dim sum! *latches onto Ky's arm with a sly grin*  
**Faust:** *notices that he's stuck in-between raging Sol and Jam, and he sweatdrops* foUr paPER BaGS-  
**Millia:** *boots the shadow away as it tries to look up her skirt* Three hair barrettes-  
**Ky:** Two elemental swords- *panicking, tries to pull away from Jam*  
**Sol:** *angrily stalks over to Jam and Ky and grabs Ky's other arm, forceably trying to yank Ky towards him* And a pear tree burning to the ground -- let go, bitch...! 

**CHIPP:** *singing in a loud, off-key voice* On the eighth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...eight sleeping pills- (yeah, dammit, more drugs -- errr, um, no, I mean I'm clean! I'm clean! Honest!)  
**Axl:** Seven Union Jacks-  
**May:** Six photos of my MOST BELOVED Johnny-  
**Jam:** *yanking on Ky's other arm with a determined look* Fiiiiiiiive pieces of dim sum!  
**Faust:** FOuR paPEr BAGs-  
**Millia:** *stabbing at the moving shadow repeatedly with hair-spears* Three hair barrettes- (Zato, I'll KILL YOU!!)  
**Ky:** *eyes going dizzy from the tug-of-war* Two elemental swords...  
**Sol:** *waving Fuenken at Jam with an evil smile* And a pear tree burning to the ground. 

**ANJI:** *sexy bishounen grin* On the ninth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...nine pairs of glasses- *straightens his own in a GQ-esque kinda way*  
**Chipp:** *gazing at Anji with starry eyes* Eight sleeping pills-  
**Axl:** *now intently watching the Sol vs. Jam war over Ky, waving a little flag with "DANNA IKE! ^^v" on it* Seven Union Jacks-  
**May:** Six photos of super-dee-duper-wonderful Johnny-  
**Jam:** Fiiiiiiiive pieces of dim sum! *attempts to backfist Sol*  
**Faust:** *is just lost on this whole ordeal, but that's nothing new* fouR PAPER BagS-  
**Millia:** Three hair barrettes- *uses her hair to make a threatening gesture towards the shadow*  
**Ky:** Two elemental swords- *ends up taking Jam's fist in his face instead*  
**Sol:** *dodges another punch and whacks Jam in the forehead* And a pear tree burning to the ground. 

**JOHNNY:** *shades glint* On the tenth day of Christmas, my true love - *May starts calling out, "ME! ME!!"* - gave to me...ten pimpin' hats-  
**Anji:** *nonchalantly fanning a butterfly* Nine pairs of glasses-  
**Chipp:** Eight sleeping pills- *worshipping at Anji's feet*  
**Axl:** Seven Union Jacks-  
**May:** Six photos of Johnnnnnnnny-  
**Jam:** *checking to see if Ky's okay after her backfist* Fiiiiiiiive pieces of dim sum!  
**Faust:** FoUR papEr bAgs-  
**Millia:** *trying to keep her clothes on* Three hair barrettes- (Damn it all, this ISN'T a hentai doujinshi!!)  
**Ky:** *big spiral eyes, looking woozy* Two elemental swords-  
**Sol:** *wrestles Ky away from Jam* And a pear tree burning to the ground. 

**TESTAMENT:** *sighs and shakes his head at the embarrassment of having been forced into this ordeal* On the eleventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...eleven gothic tube tops-  
**Johnny:** *casually glancing through a porn magazine* Ten pimpin' hats-  
**Anji:** *eyeing the drooling shinobi oddly* Nine pairs of glasses-  
**Chipp:** Eight sleeping pills- *glomps Anji, screaming, "MAKE ME JAPANESE!!"*  
**Axl:** *plops down to take a quick snooze -- unknowingly, right on top of a hidden time portal* Seven Union Jacks-  
**May:** *bounces over to Johnny, spearing the magazine on the end of her giant anchor* Six photos of Johnny the best air pirate in the woooooooorld-  
**Jam:** *making another grab for Ky, straining to reach him before Sol does* Fiiiiiiiive pieces of dim sum!  
**Faust:** *pops out his umbrella and a large piece of mistletoe falls from it, and he looks between Sol and Jam* FouR PAPEr bAGS-  
**Millia:** *forms a giant piko-piko hammer out of her hair and bops the shadow with it* Three hair barrettes-  
**Ky:** *barely conscious, but weakly trying to duck out from under the mistletoe* Two elemental swords-  
**Sol:** *grabs the mistletoe from Faust with his free hand and eyes Ky expectedly* And a pear tree burning to the ground. 

**DIZZY:** *starts off looking very cute and innocent in her human outfit, and everyone "awwwwwww"s* On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...*suddenly morphs into her normal Gear mode, and everyone shrieks in horror* twelve really, really cheap defeats at the hands of my gigacheese laser attack-  
**Testament:** Eleven gothic tube tops- *decides that a fashion change is in order*  
**Johnny:** *pats May pacifyingly on the head* Ten pimpin' hats-  
**Anji:** Nine pairs of glasses- *bops Chipp heavily on the head with a folded fan*  
**Chipp:** Eight...sleeping...pills- *passes out*  
**Axl:** *the portal opens up and sucks him down into another dimension* Waaaaaa, not again....seven Union Jaaaaaaaacks!-  
**May:** Six photos of Johnny who I REALLY wish would treat me like a grown-up- *scowling cutely at Johnny*  
**Jam:** *unintimidated by Sol, she pulls Ky towards her once more* Fiiiiiiiive pieces of dim sum!  
**Faust:** *eating a tub of ice cream, oblivious to them all* FoUr pApEr BaGs-  
**Millia:** Three hair barrettes- *smiles proudly as Zato finally emerges, out cold with a large bandaid on his head*  
**Ky:** *eyes are losing focus* Two elemental swords-  
**Sol:** *knocks Jam out with one hard smack to her head and kisses Ky full on the lips just before the blond goes unconscious* .....And a pear tree burning to the ground. Heh. 

**Athena:** *clapping loudly* Suteki!! Suteki da yo na~!! Oh, Ishiwatari-san will just LOVE this...anou ne, are we ready to go right now? Can we do the exact same thing all over again? 

*She doesn't seem to notice the carnage and chaos surrounding the cast -- Sol is dragging a limp Ky off to the nearest closet, Jam is bleeding profusely on the floor, Millia (with her clothes torn) is letting a loud "Ohohohohohoho!" laugh rip while standing overtop of Zato, Anji is calmly observing a nosebleeding Chipp and poking him occasionally with a fan, Testament is getting fashion advice from Dizzy, Faust is floating off with his umbrella and singing "Chim-Chim Cheree", Johnny is trying to shake off May, and Axl is nowhere to be found.* 

**Athena:** *sweatdrops heavily* A-anou....@_@;;;; 

  
- _OWARI!! ^^ Merry Christmas to my fellow GG fans!_ XD - 

  
  


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Guilty Gear X crazy parody fic "The Twelve Guilty Days of Christmas" © Athena Asamiya, 2001. 

Use in whole or in part of this fanfiction without permission is prohibited. If you wish to use this fanfiction for any purpose, please obtain permission prior to doing so. 

empresskatzy@hotmail.com 

Guilty Gear X and all characters copyright 1998-2001 Sammy Co., Arc System Works Co., Team Neo Blood, and Atlus. 

  
  
  
but i always knew you're my destroyer . . . . . .  
~ heaven.coming.down :: http://heaven.morethanart.org ~ 


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